This was hands down the strangest winter break I've ever had. Because I was studying abroad in Ireland during the fall, the semester ended on November 18th, and since I decided not to take a J-term class, winter break doesn't technically end until the 3rd of February. Many people commented on how it must be nice to have such a long "vacation." This was not a vacation, though. I took on 30 hours a week with my summer job as a daycare provider and worked hard to fill out scholarships/get everything ready for this upcoming spring semester. Although winter break pushed me and tested my patience, I learned several valuable lessons.
Lesson 1: It's not always easy coming home (and that's okay)
Coming home last spring after living at school was a big enough adjustment, but I had no idea how different it would be coming home after living in another country for 3 months. Freshman year of college gave some sense of independence, but living in Ireland was a whole new ball game.
I created my own community, my own routines, and my own schedules in a town named Greystones, which is a beautiful coastal town on the Irish Sea. It was like living in a completely different world compared to my usual residence far out of any town and in the middle of a corn field. In Greystones, I was in walking distance of delicious authentic crepes, a train that could take me to the historic city of Dublin, and, my favorite, the freezing but awe-inspiring Irish sea.
By the end of the trip, homesickness finally kicked in. Ireland was incredible, but I was ready to see my friends and family, and that part of coming home was great! Within days, though, the reality of the situation hit. Greystones, Ireland felt more like my place in the world than my own home town. I had to completely change the way I lived once again. Even though I had been homesick in Ireland for my own home, when I got back, I was immediately homesick for Greystones. It was a very complicated mix of emotions, and for several weeks I was honestly in a constant state of not feeling settled and desperately longing for the life I had in the previous 3 months.
I won't say that suddenly it just got easier, because it didn't. I still miss Ireland very much and think of the time I spent there often. However, this time of major adjustment taught me that "home" doesn't mean just one place, and that's okay. It is not betrayal to love two (or more) corners of the world at the same time. It is not okay, though, to spend so much time missing what was that the blessings in the present are completely ignored. Slowly, I stopped ignoring the present and started appreciating the little things again. Little things like my parents' hot cooked breakfasts, my nephews' basketball games, my very flat back yard that provides the perfect view for sunrises and sunsets, and even my favorite coffee mug.
Once I could appreciate the little things again, the courage and motivation to continue trying new things and to get my life in a new order of productivity and connection to God came easier. That process made me feel more like myself again.
Coming home from college is a difficult adjustment, and coming home from studying abroad was even more difficult, but all in all, I see it as a blessing to have big and small opportunities to branch out while still holding onto a safe space to come back to.
Lesson 2: Real friends are the ones that let you back in
A lot can change in 3 months. All of my friends were back in the US living their normal lives, just without me. I didn't know what that would look like.
Many of my friends continued keeping up with me while I was in Ireland, and that made me feel connected to them but it still was not the same. They were meeting new people and making new memories. I was afraid that when I came back they all would have moved on or we simply wouldn't have things in common anymore.
Thankfully, that is not what happened. My real and truest friends were just as excited to see me as I was them, and we were all happy to be going through life together again.
Lesson 3: Productivity through positivity and connection to God
With all the adjustments, the unknowns, and the long periods of waiting, it was really difficult for me to continually be productive. It was a break, but I was working at a daycare and at home. It was not school, but I had "homework." It was not full adult work life, but I was working enough to feel exhausted physically and emotionally.
Truthfully, I don't enjoy being lazy. There are times when rest is needed, and I allow myself that space, but I hate wasting time for no reason. One of the things I dislike the most about myself is that sometimes I slip into horrible patterns of laziness thinking that it will bring me peace and rest.
Before entering this extended winter break, I knew some kind of game plan was needed so bad habits wouldn't resurface. Instead of beating myself up for not being as hard working or productive as I could be, I tried to think about all the benefits of getting things done. I decided to be positive about how much could be accomplished and about how much peace it actually gave me. Productivity relieved stress and made resting meaningful instead of lazy and wasteful. If I couldn't do everything all at once, I didn't just give up or not try like before. I did what could be done and I let myself be content in that.
Another surprising change that helped me stay on top of tasks was deepening my relationship with God. Once prayer time became more intentional and reading my devotions became refreshing again, I began feeling more confident in myself because I understood how valued I was in Christ's eyes.
I also firmly believe that working is a way to honor God. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (ESV). That means that I can honor God by filling out scholarships, starting this blog, and working 10 hour shifts at the daycare. As long as I am striving to reflect Christ's love and kindness, whatever I am working on can be a form of worship, and that realization provided great motivation this winter break.
Through all the challenges and uncomfortable familiarity this winter break, I feel like the lessons learned were definitely worth it and I feel prepared to take on the next chapter this spring.